First of all, for those who haven't heard, my surgery went well. My recovery, however, has been slower than expected. I am still only up for workdays of 5-6 hours, and can't do much after that because of tiredness. I keep praying that things will get better, and trust God to complete my healing quickly.
During this time, I've been thinking lots about loneliness. If loneliness is not knowing anyone, then there is no way I could be lonely. I know tons of people - see some daily, some weekly, and some less often - but not a day goes by that I don't see or talk to people I know.
But what if that's not what loneliness is? What if loneliness isn't about how many people you know, but rather is about wether you know people well. As I look at myself, and the people I know, most of my relationships are very shallow. The worst part - it's my fault.
You see, I've had these impedences to forming deep relationships: first, I was grieving Michell's death, there was discomfort with friends who didn't know what to say, or there was discomfort because my friends were couples and I wasn't anymore, then I was adjusting to being a single parent, and I have to be at home to put my kids to bed, and I don't want to leave my kids with a sitter too often, and... and... and...
But now, I wonder if my impedences are starting to become exscuses. Yes, it's true, I am a single parent. I need to spend time with my kids, and I need to get them in bed at a reasonable time. No issue - but what am I doing to build relationships? Am I using the time that I do have? As I evaluate myself, I find that I am not.
So, how do I change? Well, I've started with this honest evaluation of myself, and coupled what I found with prayer. In an email devotion I read today, it talked about connecting your desires with your prayers - that we need to intentionally pray for the things we desire - so I am now praying specifically that I will look for and schedule events that allow me to build deeper friendships.
Is it going to be easy? No, probably not. Even as I shed the exscuses, I still have the impedences - many are real and must be addressed. The times I have available are limited, and you can't form lasting relationship with a long history overnight. Also, I'm not a college student anymore - I am not in a culture of people searching for new friendships, rather I am in a culture where most people have a good set of friends and don't feel the need to search for more.
What I do know is that it will be worth it. Why? Because God made us for fellowship - both with Him and with each other. As I get to know others better, I will get new glimplses of my Creator, and nothing could be more desirable than that.
A Long Weekend Away
12 years ago
2 comments:
The LORD does that to us, doesn't HE? HE takes us to a place we'd never go otherwise to show us something we'd never see otherwise. And those roads are usually long and cloudy at best. But I've found it's often a time I get to know HIM better. And although many people say this type of technology makes relationships more superficial, it's been great for me to keep in touch with people I couldn't otherwise.
Just started reading your blog. What you are saying here about loneliness is very insightful. I spent over 20 years dealing with depression and moving a lot. Loneliness used to be a constant companion of mine. I have found many friends in my online prayer group. At the time Michell died, my online friend Kit died also. I hurt over both of them being gone and over what could have been. But I never met Kit face to face but she helped me pray for my girls. And I prayed for her kids. I still do. How can you miss someone you never met in person? I don't know I guess we were "friends".
I think you might be pleasantly surprised that people are searching for friendships. Many people are very lonely. I think that is why they come to a big church, they think they can find friends there. But it is hard to connect on a heart to heart level.
Anyway, I'm going on and on. I meant to tell you that your writings here touched me. Thank you.
Post a Comment