With this ring...

It’s been a long and tiring day. Rachel and I went to Splash Country with my sister, nephew, and niece today, so I am very tired as I write this. But something very unexpected happened today, and I wanted to write about it before I went to bed.

We started the day at the wave pool. After getting fresh sunscreen on everyone, we wanted to spend a few minutes there getting wet before we headed off to one of the rides. I hadn’t been in the water long when I threw my hand up in the air, and saw my wedding ring go flying through the air.

Now before anyone panics – I got it back no problem. I saw it fly off my finger, go though the air in an arc, and land in the pool about 15’ away. I walked right over, saw it on the bottom, and picked it up. No panic, no searching, no worry. But it did create an unexpected situation…

You see, I haven’t been able to take my ring off and feel comfortable about it yet. I have taken it off for a few minutes at a time, but it never made it out of my hands, and always went back on my finger. But when it came off today, I knew I had to leave it off at the park or risk losing it somewhere, so I just naturally went and put it in the locker. Then immediately asked myself if I would put it back on or not.

During the day, it didn’t really bother me for it to be off. But on the drive home, I found myself “noticing” that it was off – fingering the place where it would be on my hand. I couldn’t put it back on during the drive (to keep it losing it in the locker or dropping it without noticing, I put it on my key ring like a key), and started wondering if I would put it back on when I got home.

I’ve been home about 3 hours now, and it’s still on my key ring. With the possible exception of the times I had surgery, this is the longest it has been off since the wedding. I still don’t know what the long-term choice will be. Still feels strange for it not to be on my finger sometimes. I do know that I don’t want to have it re-sized, because that would probably ruin the inscription on the inside of the band (Two Became One – 9-27-97). Maybe it will bother me when I go to bed, maybe I’m so tired I wont’ be awake long enough for it to bother me.

Oh, and the day at the water park with Rachel was great. We rode raft rides, lazy river, tube rides, and she played in the kids area. We’re both tired, and she’s been in bed since about 7:15. That’s the direction I’m going now.

To the Aquarium we went...

Had some fun this week – Rachel and I went to the Georgia Aquarium (see picture below). We made an overnight trip of it, and spent the night with a good friend of mine (thanks again for the hospitality S&B H). Zoe stayed here in Cookeville (thanks for the overnight stay to R&S S).

It was a good trip for us to take. Michell and I loved going to aquariums – I’ve been to at least 5 different ones now, plus several repeat trips – and Rachel likes them too. So, it allowed me to continue establishing the “new normal” of our family life.

Forgot my camera and video camera, so I have almost no tangible evidence of the trip itself, but that’s ok. I almost wonder if just the getting out and doing it was more important than archiving the experience. We have at least one more trip planned this summer (Splash Country, next week) and I have put a hold on a fall trip to Disney.

I’m trying to prepare myself for the Disney trip – Michell and I went twice as a couple, and then we took Rachel when she was 4, so there are lots of memories to deal with. Not to mention that I get sick on the Teacups, and Rachel loved riding them (with Michell, not me).

So far, the summer has gone pretty well – I need to get more stuff done both at work and at the house, but that’s a normal feeling even from before Michell passed away.

Well, this post has been all over the map. Thanks again for all the notes and encouragement that everyone continues to send my way.

Celebrating with sadness

Just got some great news, and it made me really sad.

What’s the great news? I got invited to be a member of a national-level research committee – it’s a great step in my career. In fact, it’s been on my list of goals since I started my job here at Tennessee Tech. For those outside of academia, it’s probably hard to understand, but it’s a really big deal. It means that I have been recognized as an expert in my field, and have gained the respect of my peers nationally.

Why did this make me so sad? Because Michell isn’t here to celebrate with me. I can’t call her and tell her the news. I can’t hear her tell me how proud she is of me. We won’t go out to dinner and celebrate. She won’t drive over to my office on her lunch hour to tell me again how proud she is. We won’t open one of the bottles of sparkling grape juice that still sit in the bottom of the refrigerator waiting for special occasions.

You see, she was always so supportive of me, so proud of my success. Whenever I achieved a goal, or even took a baby step toward one, she did the things I wrote about. She would tell me on the phone how proud she was, she would come by to see me, she would schedule a dinner together… she would celebrate with me.

What am I doing instead? Going home at lunch, eating by myself, loading the dishwasher, and getting the grocery list together so I can go to WalMart this afternoon.

You know, I am so thankful to God for His blessings on my career. Even through these past few months, His hand is evident. I have received awards, been given extensions, had my contract renewed, and now achieved a goal I thought was 3+ years away, if it could ever bee achieved. So please don’t think I am ungrateful – I just wish Michell was still here to share all these blessings with. I miss her so much.