Zoe's flu - and being "bad dad"

I am so tired. Zoe got the flu last Thursday (today is Monday), and my life has been so stressful since then. Thursday night, Zoe threw up 4-5 times during the night, and coughed when she was sleeping. Friday night she only threw up 1-2 times, but she still coughed all night. Needless to say, I got no sleep either night.

Saturday night she didn’t throw up, but woke up screaming and it took me almost 2 hours to get her back to sleep. After that, it was 4am and I couldn’t get back to sleep. During the day on Sunday, my mom came over and watched her for a few hours so that I could get some work done (I had a Monday and Tuesday deadline to meet), then that night my dad came to watch her during the night so that I could sleep.

Worst thing is, I’m still sleep walking this morning. I have no energy, no concentration, and just overall exhausted. I’m not even sure I remembered which events went with each night when I wrote the stuff above this. On top of all that, I fell like I can never get a break – it’s like I careen from crisis to crisis with no opportunity to establish a routine.

In the midst of it all, I had to be “bad dad” this morning. I hate that. Zoe has a prescription for Tamiflu, and she wouldn’t take it this morning. I tried all the tricks I know – give it quick (she threw it back up immediately), give it in little parts (wouldn’t take the first one), putting it in a spoon for her to hold, even mixing it with chocolate syrup (my sister’s idea). No go. In the end, I had to trap her arms and lay her on her back, then put it in her mouth while she screamed, and hold her in place until she swallowed.

I know that’s happened to all parents at sometime – I remember having to do it with Rachel. But, even though giving her the medicine is the right thing to do, I still feel like such a bad dad for having to do it that way. I love my daughters, and I don’t want to do anything that makes them scream like that. She was fine 2 minutes later, as I knew she would be, and was laughing in the car later, but I still hated it.

Oh, well. Back to work. Maybe I can wake up enough to get something done…