It was like packing away a part of me. Tonight, I finally started putting away the nativity sets that were out as part of our Christmas decorations. Michell collected nativity sets – she had about 40 or so – and every Christmas, she would clear spaces around the house and display them all to help remind us that Jesus is the truth of Christmas.
It wasn’t just the fact that she collected them, or that they are a part of my collective memories of our life together, that made it so hard to put them away. You see, I started her collection. For the first few years we were married, we had such a small budget for Christmas that I usually found myself in the dollar store looking for just one more thing.
The first year, I found a nativity set – a white, porcelain single piece set that didn’t exactly match the picture on the box. I gave it to her, and she liked it. The next year, I found another $1 nativity set – a faux stained glass one with a tea light candle holder in the back, and again she liked it.
After a few years, I remember asking her if it would be ok if I didn’t give her one for Christmas. At first she said yes, but about two weeks later she came back and said that it would bother her if I didn’t given her one, and so the tradition continued.
I even remember one year, when I was shopping on Christmas Eve (no gifts yet purchased), and the store I was in had already cut prices by 50%. There was a really cool nativity, which, even at 50% off, would consume my entire budget. I called and asked her if it would be ok if she only got one gift, and she said it would be.
That nativity became a permanent fixture in our home. It was on display all year long – and as I sit here typing at my computer, I can look over my shoulder and see it on the shelf. It gets to stay out, along with a few others that were in Michell’s display case, and two that I chose to keep out (one from our last anniversary trip, and one that was originally her grandmother’s).
The rest have now been packed into boxes, and should make the journey back under the stairwell in the next day or two. I can’t imagine what it will be like next Christmas. All I know is that soon after I started putting them away, I had this overwhelming feeling that I was packing away a part of my life – a part I didn’t ever think would end, a part I miss more than words can say. There’s a deep down hurt, and sometimes (like now, as I type) that it pushes up to the surface, and I can’t help but cry.
A Long Weekend Away
12 years ago
2 comments:
Steve, I know it is hard to bear but just remember that a lot of people NEVER know the kind of love that you and Michelle shared. Your 10 years together were chocked full of love and laughter and fullfillment. You can be such a blessing helping all those people out there that really cannot imagaine what you are going through. If we could only know ahead of time when we are going to lose someone dear, then our lives would be different. But you can remind everyone you know of what it is really like.
Don't be so hard on yourself re the baby waking at night. You are physically and mentally tired. You need to get some quality rest, then you can be more ready for these times. And of course....coming from a Grandmother....You might just have to let her cry for a little and she will finally get back to sleep and realize that when she wakes, Daddy is there.
We have a prayer group each week in Florida and I assure you we will be praying for you and your girls.
Linda Williams
Vonda Williams' Mom
Ya know Steven, I think it's neat that you and Michell had the kind of marriage that you were honest with each other. When you asked her if it would bother her if you didn't get her a nativity set that one Christmas and she said no and then she came back to you a couple of weeks later and said she really would like one and that it would bother her if she didn't get one...that shows true transparency which many marriages do not have. You started a great tradition and she cherished that because the man she loved took the time to find a nativity set each year for her. It wasn't about the value or the $$$ spent but it was about the sentimentality. Y'all had a very special marriage and I know you miss her terribly, Steven. Please know you are constantly in our prayers. My Mama and I are kinda long winded huh???
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