Are your bells ringing?

Been reading my way through Exodus lately. I'm past the plagues-and-escape part, past the giving of the 10 Commandments, and working my way through the instructions for the temple. A few nights ago, I read the instructions for creating the prestly garments (Exodus 28). Now, let's be honest. This is one of those chapters that when, or maybe I should say if, we read it, we just blow through it at warp speed because it seems useless today. Why should I care? I doubt I'll ever wear an ephod (v6) - probably woudln't recognize one if I saw it - so what possible relevance could this have?

And yet, according to 2 Tim 3:16, "All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in riteousness." As I finished reading the chapter, and was reading through the sideline notes in my Bible, I was remined of something I'd heard before.

Going back to Exodus 28, down in verses 31-35, there is a discussion about the hem of the robe of the ephod. And while I still have no real clue what an ephod is, I do know what the hem of a robe is. And this particular one has bells on it - gold bells.

Now, let's be clear. Sideline notes and my fuzzy recollections of past events are NOT the same as scripture - one is a living document of truth and love, given by God through the Holy Spirit, while the other is... always questionable. But for me, right now, the relevance of this passage was revealed through that note and my memory. It had to do with the purpose of the bells, and both the note and my memory agreed - one purpose was so that when the High Priest was in the Holy of Holies, you could tell if he was still alive.

You see, in Old Testament times, God's Spirit didn't live in hearts like He does today. Back then, to be in God's presence meant death - people were just too sinful to stay alive in His presence. The High Priest went through a week-long purification period (see Exodus 29) before heading into God's presence to make sacrifices for the people. When they went in to perform the scarifice, others could listen from outside for the bells - if they were ringing, then everything was ok (the High Priest was still alive).

Another fact in my (often questionable) memory is that they would tie a rope to the foot of the high priest, so that if the bells stopped ringing, they could pull him out. Yikes.

Yeah, I know, none of that seems relevant yet. We're not living under the Old Covenant (i.e. in Old Testament times), we're under a New Covenant - one of grace and forgiveness because of Christ's sacrifice for all. But God still desires for us to be holy - set apart - riteous... He does NOT want us to sin, and He especially doesn't want us to fall into repetitive sin.

So, looking back at the title of this post, I ask myself the question: Are my bells ringing? And I candidly admit to you that this has been a bad month for me. Patterns of sin from my past, patterns that I have cast off (many times) only to have return (also many times) have once again reared up in my life, and my bells have been silenced often of late. I'm talking about that sin that "so easily entangles" me (see Hebrews 12:1), and I am again fighting to cast it off. Even as I write this, I am frustrated with how often it has overcome me lately, but at the same time I am not defeated - I am instead rededicating myself and trusting God to give me strength to overcome.

So what about you? Are your bells ringing?

What are you worth?

A few weeks ago, I was listening to the radio in the car when a discussion started about how valuable a person is. One of the central issues was salary. Are we what we make at our jobs? Is our contribution to society defined by how much that society is willing to pay us for what we're doing? As the discussion continued, some spiritual principles were hinted at, and a few were partially explored. I arrived at my destination before the discussion ended, so I don't know where it ultimately went, but it did get me thinking...

At the simplest (and most worldly) level, our society does define our worth by our salary. In this crazy world we live in, we value entertainment over learning, and so pay professional athletes more each year than teachers can make in a lifetime. We reward those who can turn "situational ethics" into personal gain, while sneering at the "free" but unparalleled contributions of stay-at-home moms.

As Christians, however, we are part of another (spiritual) society with its own set of rules. Here, Christ has turned the world upside down... reminding us that to be great, we must become servants (Mark 10:43). In fact, it could be argued that in our spiritual society, by ourselves we have no value at all! Consider John 15:5. Here Christ exhorts us to remain in Him, because by ourselves we can do nothing.

But this passage can weave a subtle trap for the unwary. How often the Devil has come and called us "worthless". How many times has the Evil One broken hearts and spirits, convincing people that they are of no value to God or to others? How many have fallen into a pit of darkness and despair, wanting only to be valued and to feel they are valuable?

But there is a great difference between the condemning statements from our Enemy and the redeeming plan of our God. God desire for us to be connected to Him, living in concert with His Spirit, following the path made possible by the sacrifice of His Son. God chose us (Eph 1:3-14) - chose us to be holy (1:4), chose to adopt us as His children (1:5), chose us for His praise and glory (1:11-12), and as a sign of our choosing, and He has given to us His Holy Spirit (1:13).

Going back to the worldly view, our value in society is based on what someone is willing to pay us for our work - in essence, who wants us and how badly they want us. How much does God want us? You can probably recite it with me... "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son..." (John 3:16).

And what is He willing to pay us? How about with direction, joy, and pleasure forevermore? (Psalm 16:11) In addition, part of His "pay" lets us ignore the whispered condemnation of the Enemy. "Whoever believes is not condemned... (John 3:18). So if the Devil says you're worthless, you know it's a lie. You want more? Maybe even a bonus check? How about this - one of many examples - back in Eph 1:3, we are promised "every spiritual blessing in Christ."

So what are you worth? In a nutshell, you're worth so much that the Creator of the Universe crashed through time and space to make a way for you to be with Him... forever.

More than the "fairy tale"

Been watching romantic comedies lately (I know, I know...). They're all about the same: lovable loser guy meets awesome girl, connection begins. Obstacles arise, leading to comedic moments, then romantic resolution supplies fairy tale ending.

Problem: the movies always end where the real work begins. The phrase "I want the fairy tale"
has been ringing in my head lately - I think it's from Pretty Woman, but can't be sure because I never saw that movie. It sums up what most people think they're looking for - riding off into the sunset - happily ever after - the fairy tale ending.

Not me, though. I want way more than the fairy tale ending - I want the fairy tale to be just the beginning. You ask, "What do you mean?" I answer, "Great question! Thanks for asking!"

Too many times, we get our idea of what a great relationship is supposed to be like from the things we see on TV, at the movies, or read about in books. But few (if any) of these relationships ever show the real work that goes hand-in-hand with marriage-level love. Real, God-inspired, loving relationships require openness, honesty, trust, forgiveness, and commitment. They require daily sacrifices of self in favor of other and "us".

I know this because I've lived it. I know this because I've helped other couples who were having trouble in their marriage. Most of all, I know this because I have read the Bible and seen the example of God's love through the actions of His Son.

So if you're like me, praying for God to bring you together with "the right one", make sure you're asking for the right thing - not just the fairy tale, but the full sacrificial package - and get ready to do the work required. And if you're feeling frustrated because your fairy tale has slipped away, you might need to change your thinking. Godly marriage is about the best thing you can ever experience here on earth, but it's very different from what the movies are selling...

Merry Christmas!

Trying something a little different this year - it's amazing how much work and time it took to print, fold, and stuff letters, so now I've gone digital. Hope you don't mind. But really, if you mind, you probably didn't come here to read what I'm typing. So on with the letter

This has been a good year for us. Zoe continues to grow up so fast, though it looks like she'll have her mommy's height (or lack thereof). She's so very articulate - yes, I just used that big word to describe how well a 3-year old speaks. At her preschool, they did a review of her development. It asked if she used 2-3 word phrases/sentences. Zoe talks in paragraphs - multiple 7-10 word sentences that are coherent together. She's amazing. And more than that, she makes me laugh.

Rachel is also growing up. She has developed an affinity for performance - just this month she's had a main part in two different productions. She was one of the main characters in her school performance (Christmas at the OK Corral) and was in a duet at church in the Christmas program. She's also smart as a whip, making the "All Es" honor roll at school. Fortunately for her, the handwriting grade doesn't count. Let's just say that her handwriting is less than perfect.

The year has also been good for me. I had my colostomy takedown in March (read here: all my internal plumbing is now reconnected and functioning normally). During the recovery from that surgery, I also managed to get an inflamed gall bladder, which was then removed. My plan is to be out of the surgery mode for a while now. Not that I'm ungrateful...

Our big family event this year was a week at the beach during the summer. My sister (with her 2 kids) and I (with my 2 kids) rented a beach house in NC and spent the week. It was great! There are some pics on my Facebook page, which you can find from the link on the right.

We are well adjusted to life without Michell. It hardly seems like it could be two years since her death, but God continues to bless us in amazing ways. Zoe has slowly begun to realize who her mommy is (from pictures), and frequently mentions "my mommy in her white dress," referring to Michell in her bridal portrait. Rachel still has times when she mentions missing her mommy, especially during the Christmas season, but these are minor moments only, and are becoming rare. We have a fairly regular household schedule, and while I don't try to pretend to be a mommy, I have gotten a reasonable handle on all the "typical mom" things that are now my responsibility. I do pray that God will bless me with another opportunity to love and marry, but trust in His plan and His timing.

So, that's our brief update. We hope this letter finds you and yours deep in God's blessings, and that you have a safe, joyful Christmas!

Steven, Rachel, and Zoe Click

Be Thankful for "Lifers"

Been reconnecting with some my lifers lately - I am so thankful for them! What's a "lifer"? That's what I call a friend that remains true throughout your life. One of those handfull of friends with whom time and distance never matter, you can always pick right back up with never a snag. You know, the ones you can call at 2 in the morning and not have to apologize when you start the conversation.

So, why have I been reconnecting? Because my lifers are a great source of Godly counsel. They help me figure things out when I can't solve it on my own. The past few days have been especially cool, because God has used several of them in shifts, each one's advice and info adding to the prior to give me a fuller picture than any one could individually. How cool is that!

What a treasure my lifers are! They know many of my hidden faults and fears, but can look past them and still accept and care about me. They never force their ideas or advice on me, but their insight never ceases to amaze me - an amazing blend of their God-inspired wisdom and their understanding of who I reall am that frequently cuts to the heart of the matter.

Just in the past few days, I have reconnected with three of my lifers, including my longest-term lifer and the wife of my newest-term lifer couple (it's early in the relationship, but I'm pretty sure they're going to be lifers). The interactions have made me realize just how awesome these friends are to me, and how thankful I am that they are part of my life.

So, what about you? Do you have some lifers? If so, take a minute to be thankful and to realize just what a blessing you have.

Stray thoughts...

Wow. Unitl I came to post this, I didn't realize how long it's been. I knew it had been a while, but not this long. Oh, well. Apparently Facebook has taken over for posting my thoughts. In truth, I wasn't planning to post tonight, but a stray thought just took me on a journey and I thought I would share. It starts with one of the last things Michell and I talked about.

We were in the hospital, and I think it was after the girls had come to open their Christmas presents. Michell told me that if I looked around on her side of the closet, I would find the present she bought for me. I told her, "Plenty of time for that once you're back home." Of course, she never did come back to the house, but went to her heavenly home instead.

About a month later, when I was looking around for.. I don't even remember what... I finally found it. At the time, I just dropped down and cried. There were several things to make up the whole gift, but I only remember one of them - a devotional book by Tony Dungy intended to be the seed for a mens small group. That book still sits on a table in my room, waiting. Waiting for a time when I'm not "head coach" over all my church's groups and I can lead a group myself.

I don't know what triggered this particular memory, or why it was so truly vivid in my mind tonight. I do know that I've been frustrated recently that I don't know where God is taking me right now. Someone I was talking to at church tongiht mentioned that she felt that God had put her in a "holding pattern," and I know exactly what she means. I have ministries I am faithful to perform, but I feel more like I'm waiting for God to release me to the next thing, rather than full of vision for the future.

If you're there too, holding, waiting on God to show you what's next, let me encourage you (as I remind and encourage myself): God gave you gifts and talents to further His purposes. When everything is ready, He will call you to your next place, your next purpose, your next ministry. While you're waiting, try and enjoy the time He is giving you to learn, grow, and be still for a time, but be ready to move because when He calls, it's time to go!

Good or bad? Good, I hope...

So I've made it through another anniversary without Michell. Today would have been 12 years of marriage for the two of us, instead it marks 1 yr 9 months since her death. Funny thing is, the quiesting I've been pondering today is only indirectly related to her death. So, you might ask, what have I been pondering? I've been wondering if it's a good sign or a bad sign that today just seems like any other Sunday.

If you know me well, you know that I not only think about things alot, but I also think about how I think about things alot. (and I even think about the fact that I think about how I think about things alot - I know, scary but true) I know it becomes futile thinking after a while, but it's somthing I've never really been able to stop, and I'm used to it now.

So today, the thing that has made me most upset is the fact that I'm not really upset about the fact that today should have been my 12th anniversary. In my head, I've known it was coming all month, but never really thought about it being a big deal. I know others who have some ritual or plan special activities on dates like this, but today was just a normal Sunday for us.

Now, I'm not one to base my self-worth or self-judgement on the opinions of others, but I am curious to hear what you think about it - is it good or bad that today is just a normal day, with no drama or pain. While thinking about this throughout the day, I've come to the conclusion that I think it's a good thing, but I know I'll keep thinking about it - that's just what I do.

And Michell, as you sit at the feet of Jesus, you already know my feelings better than I know them myself. See you in eternity! Until then, I'll just keep living as God directs me, as best I can.