Good trip, Hard trip

So, we’re back safely to Cookeville.

The trip to NC was good – the girls had a great time with Granny & Papa (who claim, however erroneously, that no spoiling occurred), we got some great family time, and I got a chance to reconnect with lots of friends.

The trip to NC was hard – Michell and I met there, dated there, and lived there for the first 7 years of our marriage. Everywhere I went, I was reminded of a time with her, which in turn reminded me of how much I miss her.

For me, the best part of the trip was the fact that I felt OK at M’s parent’s house. I wondered if I would be able to stand being there without her, but it was ok. It didn’t feel right, especially the first day, but I wasn’t overwhelmed by it either. I can (and will) go again, without fear.

The worst part of the trip was driving around. For one, it just takes so much longer to get anywhere there – at least 30 minutes for short trips, and more like 60 for longer ones. But more importantly, Raleigh was always Michell’s back yard – when we drove around, she would always know a better way to get there, and we would always hold hands and talk on the trip.

The worst was probably Monday afternoon. I had just visited my old work, and did a quick “drive by” of our old house in Garner. I was headed to dinner before the visitation at Raleigh First. I couldn’t stop crying. I kept asking the questions that have no answers – Why did she have to die? Why can’t I have her back? We were supposed to be together for a lifetime.

10 years just wasn’t enough.