Missing My Help-Mate

It’s been a while since I last posted, partly because of busyness and partly because the trip to NC left me numb. I also had some big work deadlines that kept me overwhelmed with work for a few days.

Today, more than any time so far, I miss the support of my help-mate. Zoe threw up last night around 5pm, and had a temp of 101. I called my parents, and they were on the way to pick up Rachel so I could take Zoe to an Urgent Care, and Rachel just started to cry. “I miss mommy,” she said through her tears, and together we cried. My help-mate, I need you.

About 11pm, when Zoe had been crying for over an hour, I finally thought I had gotten her back to sleep. I didn’t even make it all the way back to the bedroom before she started crying again. I wanted to wait in the bedroom, to give her a few minutes to see if she would get herself back to sleep, but I got so angry. Angry that I couldn’t get her to sleep, angry that I couldn’t make her feel better, and angry that she couldn’t understand that the best thing she could do was sleep.

I stormed down the hall, I threw open Zoe’s door. I told her “No, Ma’am. You have to stop. You have to sleep.” I even popped her hand, like I do when she does something wrong. Of course, it only made things worse – me being angry with her. She didn’t understand my anger; she just wanted to be comforted. Michell always knew when I was getting frustrated, and we took turns to keep me from getting angry. Last night, I was just glad when she finally went to sleep (11:45). Today, I have cried from missing Michell, and from letting my anger get loose.

Michell, my help-mate, I need you so much. How can I do this all by myself? Why can’t you come back? I miss you so much. I need you so much. Why can’t you come back? This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.