A little sleep does wonders...

It really does. Zoe has slept better over the past week – she’s gotten back to only waking up once after my bedtime – and I’m getting 5-6 hours of sleep in a chunk, and then another 1-2 hours more after that. It has really changed my disposition – I am able to concentrate more and have a bit more patience with my girls. I regularly praise God when I get up, because of how long I got to sleep.

Of course, this goes hand in hand with the fact that Zoe hasn’t been sick in a while, either. The last time she went to the doctor’s office, he thought it was allergies. So, she’s now on two allergy medicines, and together they seem to have really made a difference in her health. She’s back to being her happy self, and I thank God for it.

My good days are still getting better, and more frequent, but the bad days and bad times still come. Just last week, I was getting ready for church on Wednesday night, and I thought everything was going well. I was in my closet, and I suddenly turned around and hugged a group of Michell’s clothes and started crying. It probably took me 10 minutes to get through it. Things are like that sometimes – I don’t know when or what will trigger the pain.

I’m still searching for who I am without her (see my previous post). Not the big things – salvation, career, daddy – these things are not in question. It’s the little things – hobbies, interests, “fun” – that I don’t know what I really want to do.

Time is the thing – time to grieve and move forward, time to discover who I am , time for the girls to get older and be able to do more for themselves, time… but I don’t want to stand still, and I certainly don’t want to miss something that’s happening now because I am too anxious to get to later.