Not "Bad Dad", Just "Tired Dad", and He's Not Such a Bad Dad

I've spent the last two days as "Tired Dad." If you've read my posts for a while, you know that I am very open about the fact that I sometimes become "Bad Dad" and treat my kids in ways that I am ashamed of. I know it happens to all of us (partly because several of you have told me that it happens to you), but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Being "Tired Dad" isn't as bad as being "Bad Dad" - I could stick in a joke about "Tired Dad" being "Bad Dad Light"... with 1/3rd less guilt than regular bad dad, but I won't. However, being "Tired Dad" is still an issue that I want to work on. Maybe you've been "Tired Dad" and can let me know the things that help you...

"Tired Dad" has some issues. For one, he tends to be a bit unpredictable - especially on discipline. Behaviors from my kids that would normally get ignored become problems, and minor problems can quickly result in spankings. Fortunately, I have learned to recognize when "Tired Dad" is in the house, and I when I tell Rachel that I'm tired, she knows to respond that it means I'm grumpy. Zoe isn't old enough to process this yet, but at least Rachel gets some warning.

Less noticed by others, but very obvious to me, is the fact that "Tired Dad" looks at time from the end to the beginning. (you ask "He does what?!?") I'm glad you asked that. "Tired Dad" tends to always think of how long it is before he gets a break - i.e. "bedtime is in 3 hours... how can I get us through the next 3 hours?" While this is probably a normal mechanism, it often means that I settle for less - I don't give my kids the attention they want, I'm more likely to let them watch TV, and I even find myself asking them to go play in their rooms while I am somewhere else in the house.

As noted, this is much better behavior than "Bad Dad", but I still find myself thinking later that I missed opportunities to be with my kids, instead of just around them. I also don't want this to become a norm in my life - I want to try and work through it and get better.

One good thing about "Tired Dad" is that he has learned a counter-intuitive lesson. One of the best things that "Tired Dad" can do is organize an activity. One of my favorites is the "invite another family to come play" maneuver. For the cost of three pizzas, I can invite others to come to the house. While for some this injection of others would be tiring, I am a very social person and find it energizing to have company at the house. Not to mention that having more kids around tends to reduce my kid's need for my devoted attention, so I get a partial break without feeling like I've deprived them.

My other favorite is the "go do something at a big place" maneuver. The Cookeville Children's Museum is a great destination, and has tons of things for them to do. But even when it's closed (which is often), something as simple as WalMart or Sams can really change up the pace.

Again, counter-intuitive (I have to watch my kids in the store? and that's supposed to take less energy than at home? are you CRAZY?!?), but it really does help. There's travel to-and-fro, with singing (we always sing in the car). There's time in the store - each one gets to "help" with different things, and they're used to strict behavior rules at the store, so there are fewer discipline issues. Maybe it won't work for you, but it works for me.

Well, "Tired Dad" is wrapping up so he can be in bed on time (11pm) and get some sleep. But even though "Tired Dad" was with me all weekend, he did a pretty good job of pushing through and loving his kids really well. All in all, I'm proud of "Tired Dad" instead of ashamed. And that's a good thing.